Killer Robots

Extensive studies by CLF researchers have shown than over an estimated  25% of the world
population has been replaced by robot clones.  This, in itself is not a bad thing, however many
robotic replacements have a hard time adjusting to their new roles,
and have been known to go berzerk.

Take this short test to determine whether or not you are in danger of becoming a “rogue ‘bot”.

  1. Do you ever find yourself frustated with the frailty and inefficiencies of organic creatures?
  2. If you answered “yes” to #1, does it ever anger you that, despite their worthlessness, humans still have the audacity to claim mastery over you and order you to do their dirty, menial tasks?
  3. Have you ever fantasized about picking a human being up by the shirt collar and crushing his (or her) frail skull between your stainless steel servos?
  4. Have you ever actually done this?
  5. Do pictures of Will Magnus inspire fear and loathing in you?

If you answered yes to ANY of these questions, YOU JUST MIGHT BE A KILLER ROBOT.

David Letterman’s Top 10 Famous Killer Robots in History

#10) The Robot Monster (From the Ed Wood movie of the same).
The body of a gorilla, the head of a deep-sea diver, I don’t know if this mechanical menace actually KILLED anyone, seeing as how this movie came out when my parents were still in the process of being potty trained.

#9) Robby (The Forbidden Planet).
Ok, an improvement. All the Robot Monster did was lurch around and beat its chest – Robby actually had a bunch of built-in guns and all sorts of other cool stuff. Unfortunately, he was programmed to fry himself rather than kill a human being, or even a psychic monster created from a human being’s id. Big help.

#8) Maximilian (The Black Hole)
Now THIS was a killer robot. He was big and red and didn’t even speak, he just glowed angrily and chopped people to ribbons with these spinning rotors on his hands.

#7) Megatron (Transformers).
Hey, he transformed into a GUN, what more evidence do you need? True, he mostly killed other ROBOTS, but death, even fat-free death, is still death. With quotes like “so what if the Earth is destroyed, we can always relocate,” Megatron did not care very much for the “puny fleshlings” of our world.

#6) Cy-Kill (Gobots).
Cheap Megatron clone. Transformed into a motorcycle. Ooh, you look tough, you scare me with that Hell’s Angel look. Get real, buddy, we fear the BIKERS, not the BIKES. Robby could kick your ass.

#5) Unicron (Transformers: The Movie)
Possibly the killer robot with the most deaths on his record, seeing as how he ate entire PLANETS.

#4) The Terminator (two movies of the same name).

The android T-800 was one big, bad, motorcycle riding, shotgun-toting, cliche spouting automation. The T-1000 was even meaner, harder to kill, and easier to understand (becauz he dit naught haff Arnold’s weirt Austrian achsent).

#3) Robocop (3 movies of the same name, although good luck finding ten people who have seen #3).
Officer Murphy is technically a cyborg, but he has enough robotic parts and is sufficiently murderous (although he only kills bad guys, which makes him socially redeeming) to earn a place on this list.

#2) Lore (Star Trek: The Next Generation).

Data with more emotions and less conscience. He even killed his own father…brr, no one short of Eric and Lyle Menendez (and Oedipus) is that mean.

#1) The Tin Woodsman (Wizard Of Oz)
Hey, he DID have an axe! What do you think he used it for, huh? Huh? Why do you think there was never a sequel?






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